I Promise You Will Recover

"Will my heart ever feel whole again" This was my constant thought after a hard break up with someone that I thought I was going to marry. Little did I know that the break up of a relationship that I held onto so dearly for the course of about 4 years would change the direction of my life. It was in summer of 2012 when everything I knew was changing. I moved from the city where I was born in raised, to a place that was complete opposite, changed schools which meant hanging out with a whole different crowd, and lastly... had no more boyfriend.

I knew God was doing something new in my life, and I was upset, scared, and excited all at the same time. During this pivotal time when I was rediscovering who God was to me and what I was called to do, I still struggled with letting go. I couldn't because it hurt too much. I couldn't because it was supposed to go MY way, and how I planned it. I felt like I deserved an apology which is also why I held onto this emotion for so long.

Flash forward, and I'm in Bible school, where God is just messing me up (in a good way lol.) He began to heal my wounds that were in my heart, and mend the places that had been broken. However, He could only do what He could when I fully surrendered. Surrendered everything. In my case surrender that person that I had hoped for, for so long. It was time.

This is my story.

SO....

To the girl who has had her heart broken:

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to admit you hurt. It’s okay to say it SUCKS when all your high expectations and life plans feel like they got flushed down the toilet. It’s okay to be mad. It’s okay to feel like your heart may never feel whole again. It’s okay to feel like you will never get over this person, nevertheless, forgive this person. It’s okay to feel betrayed, because you lost the person closest to you.

BUT it’s not okay to stay there. Don’t stop loving people. Don’t let your heart grow cold. Don’t grow bitter and think all guys are the same (literally I struggle with this). Don’t think it’s all your fault the relationship didn’t work out. Don’t play games now in order to never get hurt again. Don’t stop sharing. But also Don't think that someone else will make you whole, when there is only ONE person that can fill that place.

You girl…. Deserve dreamy.

Here's why:

You are the apple of His eye. He is close to the broken hearted. He sees every tear you've cried. There is nothing that the Lord does that does not result in GOOD FOR YOU. There is a bigger picture in the making. A beautiful masterpiece is in the process, while there are bumps in the road. Sometimes things NEED to “fall apart” in order for them to fall into place. God wants to blow your socks off, and give you someone especially for you. In order to have the new you HAVE to let go of the old. You can’t go FORWARD while driving in reverse. You WILL be given someone who sees how valuable you are and recognizes that you are a daughter of the most high king. You WILL recover and be given someone who will LOVE you UNCONDITIONALLY ONLY because He KNOWS the ONE who gave unconditional love to him first.

You deserve dreamy.

The Story Continues...

Oh girl, I wish it would have ended there. Nope. It's funny how we can lay something down and want to pick it back up when things get hard. It's a response of wanting security. I had let God begin his work in my heart yet struggled throughout my college years of wanting to go back. Back to what I was comfortable to me and found myself in this unhealthy cycle. Let me remind you, it was with this same guy. Now it's 2017, and I still somehow let him into my heart again, and I go through the same disappointments and lessons that I had gone through over and over again. So now I feel pathetic and dumb.

All ties were finally cut with him just to find myself start making the wrong decisions with someone else. My problem was I never let God fully heal me in that area and decide to take things into my own hands, which then resulted in me transferring that longing with someone else. And of course I hit a wall, a dead end because I was finally tired of MYSELF. I was brought to the revelation that maybe it wasn't all the guys fault, maybe it was the condition of my heart. Jesus was showing me my true colors and wanted to deal with it. Finding that out then made me feel disqualified from thinking I should deserve someone "dreamy." However, in Jesus' love and mercy, He showed me I thought wrong. I had never felt the love of God in the way I did this past summer. In my most darkest place, He met me where I was. He reminded me of who I was when I literally couldn't recognize me anymore. He reintroduced me to His love. He told me YOU are STILL worth it. This is my story.

SO...

To the girl who thinks she is disqualified:

You’ve been through some crap, maybe more than once. You try so hard to get it right after knowing what is right from wrong. After all those pep talks of wanting to change, you still end up choosing the same thing. The wrong thing. And now you have come to a place where, you are tired of trying to do things right, you have given up. You have given up putting up a fight for what you believe is right. You think what heck, if I’m failing, I might as well fail good. You think now that I am a mess, I will never deserve something pure and good. You get used to crap because you settle. You stop seeing your value and your chance to obtain anything that God has for you. You feel stuck.

You girl….. Deserve dreamy.

Here's why:

You have been bought with a HIGH price. You are not leftovers or even used goods. You are PRECIOUS in your creators sight. You can be made whole again by surrendering and coming to the feet of Jesus. You have been washed clean. You can be set free, by repenting and calling on the powerful name of Jesus. Your life can change by believing the One that made you has BETTER plans than your own!! You are beautiful. You are God’s masterpiece. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You have not been disqualified. You deserve dreamy.

From the everyday girl who has been both these girls at some point in her life,

Dezzy <3