Healthy Confrontation

Have you ever had a pending conversation or a conflict that was eating you alive? Days, weeks, and months pass, and there are unspoken hurts and offenses stopping your relationship with a loved one from thriving. How do you bring an end to the silence and awkward tensions? You confront. You put aside any feelings of disappointing the other and you choose the road of vulnerability and honesty.

When people think of confrontation, they see it as something negative, but there is freedom when you bring what is hidden to light. We are imperfect humans, and we will hurt each other, but we were designed to be in relationships where love and honesty have the final say. Let’s be real, it’s not easy to lay everything out on the table because they are moments of exposure and coming face to face with a situation.

What keeps you from confronting others? The fear of those you love changing their perspective of you. The fear that what you have to say is incorrect or will be misinterpreted wrongly. The fear of losing someone.

The common denominator: FEAR.

Fear holds you back. Fear suffocates and silences. Instead of focusing on all the things that can go wrong, think of how the words and advice you share can be that saving grace your friend might desperately need. Don’t be a coward and let fear win, but be honest with the people you care most about and speak the truth in love.

Instead of carrying offense and unforgiveness in your heart when someone you love offends you, choose to confront. How can you do this?

Process your emotions and thoughts

Do not respond out of anger, because you may say something you regret, or you may not yet have a clear mind about the issue. Process your emotions. Talk to God about it, and tune in to what He has to say about the issue. Most of the time this looks like reading scriptures and renewing your mind daily in His Word. Ask yourself: Why did that action offend me? What about this bothered me? This process is crucial. Perhaps there is something in your heart that God wants to highlight to lead you in a process of healing.

“God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart. Examine me through and through; Find out everything that may be hidden within me. Put me to the test and sift through all my anxious cares. See if there is any path of pain I’m walking on, and lead me back to your glorious, everlasting ways- the path that brings me back to you.” Psalm 139:23-24

Communicate the issue directly to the person who hurt you.

Once you have processed your emotions, it’s time to bring the issue to the person who hurt you. The easy road is staying silent, but we are in danger when we do this. It is in this silence that unforgiveness flourishes, and resentment and bitterness can so easily build up in our hearts. These things can be like cancer to our bones and a weight that we carry. Be up front about what you’re feeling. Another thing to keep in mind is to always try to see the matter from the other person’s perspective. The way you see things is not always how others may have interpreted the situation. When you try to understand why they may have done what they did, it will be easier to address the problem at hand. Instead of accusing them, you will deal with the matter with more grace.

Seek Forgiveness

The end goal should be unity and restoration. Although this won’t always be the case, your intentions should never be to cause more division and strife. Even if the friendship is not restored, your heart will be free to flourish and thrive in the grounds of forgiveness.

How do you respond when you are the one being confronted?

Seek Growth

God often brings to light the issues we struggle with through the people we love. Be open to criticism. Be okay with the fact that you are not perfect, and you will hurt those you love. Seek to become a better friend, daughter, girlfriend, and wife through these experiences.

Your friend’s intentions are ALL ABOUT YOU.

A true friend who loves will speak the truth at all times, even if it makes them look bad. They’ll risk being judged because the conversation is meant to sharpen, and that shows they have your best interests in mind. Remember that they are thinking about you, and that their intentions are pure. Accept what is being told to you with a good attitude. Be quick to listen, and slow to react. It’s natural for our flesh to want to defend ourselves and stand up for what we believe is right. Be patient with the words that are given to you. Chew on them, let them sink in your heart, test them, and ask God about it.

"You can trust a friend who wounds you with his honesty, but your enemy's pretended flattery comes from insincerity." Proverbs 27:6

This will not be your first time nor your last to deal with having to confront/being confronted by the people in your life. Take it as a lesson learned. When you practice healthy confrontation, it becomes easier. You become wiser when you choose to have an open and honest conversation with your friend instead of letting things go undealt with for long periods of time. Friends sharpen each other as iron sharpens iron. Let's choose to be the type of people who speak the truth with love and with the goal of forgiveness and unity.

Here's to healthy confrontation.

xoxo,

The Everyday Girls