Cultivating Friendships, pt. 1

In order to be healthy, a garden must be tended to. Much like us, you may not have a green thumb. We kill succulents, which should be the easiest plant to maintain. *sigh, we know* A garden requires a significant amount of planting, digging, watering, and labor in order for it to thrive. You must be intentional about spending time in it everyday. 

The same concept applies to your heart. In order to have a healthy and whole heart, you must guard the words, beliefs, and patterns of thinking that you allow to become a part of who you are. The people who you allow into your life play a huge role in determining your heart health. Not just anybody has the right to have access into your life. You are too valuable, your purpose is too weighty, and you are worth too much to surround yourself with just anybody. 

It starts with asking yourself, "Who are my people? Who do I spend the majority of my time with, and are they pushing me towards achieving my goals?" Don’t leave it to situational circumstances to determine who your friends are, but be intentional with friendships.

How do you know who should have a place in your life and who shouldn’t? It starts with: 

1. Planting the seed in prayer

Bring your requests to God first. Talk to Him and let Him know the desires you have to be surrounded by strong and uplifting people. Ask God for discernment to help you realize who needs to be in your life and who doesn't. Many times, we take on the burdens of friends that we're not supposed to, and we allow toxic people to manipulate our thoughts and feelings. Ask God today to show you who these people are and for direction on how to step away.

2. Cultivating the seed with the Word of God

God’s Word is your light and guide, and it should be the deciding factor on the standards you have. Your friends should be people who honor that, and if they don’t, you need to reevaluate who is allowed in your life. Are your friends giving you advice according to God’s Word? Are they lifting you up and pulling you closer to Him? Are they people who you can confide in or are they just a good time and in your life because of convenience? What are your conversations centered on? What are the places you go together? These are all good indicators to measure the health of a friendship. 

3. A proactive trust vs. a passive trust  

Trust isn’t passive, but it requires action. When you plant a flower, you don’t just leave it alone to grow on it’s own. You take time to water it, you give it sunlight, and you fertilize it. You cannot expect to receive the friends God has for you if you keep surrounding yourself with toxic people. Don’t be afraid to let go of friends because you might be alone. As you are cultivating the garden of your heart, don’t forget the bigger picture: you are planted in the Lord’s garden. He values you and is tending to all the details in your life. Trust fully in God’s faithfulness and care for your life.  Trust that He is leading you to the right place where you will meet the right people. Don’t wait passively. With anything, you have to be intentional. Put yourself out there. Don’t wait to be invited to an event. You be the one to go and invite someone out to coffee. Sometimes we have to swallow our ego and pride and be the ones to make the first move. Resolve within yourself that fear will not be the reason that you miss out on those God-given friendships. 

4. Wait patiently 

Wherever you plant yourself, be patient. It might be uncomfortable at first, and you may feel unnoticed, but remain faithful and patient. Push through the discomfort, because there will be breakthrough. It does not happen overnight, it may take time. Trust us, IT WILL HAPPEN!

 

5. Quality over Quantity

You’re circle becomes smaller as you get older. Sometimes we’re so caught up with popularity and the need to have everyone as your friend. The truth is, when you have found friends that choose to be like Jesus and who are closer than a brother, that’s when, my dear, you have struck gold. 

Those friendships may be few in number, but they are worth far more than you realize.

“So above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of your heart.” Proverbs 4:23

We pray that God, in His infinite love and mercy, would surround you with a loving and uplifting community. Never forget how loved and treasured you are.

xoxo,

The Everyday Girls