A Violent Hope

Life is hard, a phrase I have heard one too many times, but never really understood, until I walked through a dark, difficult, and even heartbreaking season in my life. I was fresh out of bible school and there was so much excitement for the future springing forth inside of me. Slowly, this fountain of life began to dry up. There were so many unanswered prayers and promises from the Lord that seemed like lifeless words. My expectations and reality did not line up. My family seemed to be in shambles, and my relationships were wavering. I was remaining faithful to my job, my schoolwork, and my relationships, but it all began to feel so mundane. My heart longed and ached for the dreams the Lord had given me, and I was frustrated that so much time seemed to be passing me by and nothing seemed to be happening. It felt as if everything was going downhill. It was in a long car ride (can anybody else attest that these can be so therapeutic?!), that I lifted this anxiety, fear, and hopelessness to the Lord, and I felt His still and quiet voice speak, “Don’t forget to thank Me. Don’t forget to worship me.” These words struck me, and it was in this that the Lord began to take me on a journey to restore my hope.

“The Scriptures say that Abraham had two sons, one from his slave wife and one from his freeborn wife. The son of the slave wife was born in a human attempt to bring about the fulfillment of God’s promise. But the son of the freeborn wife was born as God’s own fulfillment of his promise.” Galatians 4:22-23

I was reminded of the promise the Lord had given Abraham and Sarah. Sarah had a barren womb, yet the Lord had promised her a child and that Abraham’s descendents would outnumber the stars in the sky. I’m sure when they first received this word, they greeted it with a lack of understanding on how it would happen all mixed with excitement, wonder, and awe. Yet days, months, and years began to pass without seeing the fulfillment of this miraculous promise. There were years where Abraham and Sarah were required to simply remain faithful to their tasks and obligations. What they desired with all their hearts seemed to be nowhere in sight. The waiting was so painful and frustrating that Abraham lost focus of God, took matters into his own hands, and birthed a son through his slave, yet still it was not the true fulfillment of the promise of God. Little did they understand that the promise of the Lord was set in stone and working in the context of their lives. The life giving and creative Words of the Lord were firm and could not be shaken or revoked. God gave them what they most desired at what seemed to be the most inconvenient, late, and unexpected time when Sarah birthed her promised son at the age of 90.

Just like the finger of God was ALWAYS at work in the lives of Abraham and Sarah, I realized that the same faithful and loyal God was working in my life. In the waiting, I lost sight of His goodness, His kindness, and His firm character, and I had placed my hope in what I saw and what I could control. I took my eyes off of Him and I stopped thanking Him for what he had already done and was going to do. I don’t understand His timing and my expectations fail me every time, but I decided to fully trust God with the promises He had given me, and that He will fulfill them in the perfect timing. It was in placing my gaze on the Lord and surrendering my heart in a posture of worship and praise that a surge of violent hope began to replace the frustration and the pain.

With this I say: be encouraged. Be encouraged in your everyday ordinary, in the days, months, and even years of waiting, in the daily grind, and in remaining faithful to the small tasks. Set your eyes on the grandness and the beauty of our God, and realize that you are walking in a much bigger picture than what it may seem. The Lord has written the most beautiful story for you, and you are living in the light of His promises. His faithfulness is as sure as the rising and setting of the sun. We never doubt that it will rise, we never question if it will be there tomorrow or years from now, but we are certain of its consistency to bring its light everyday. Like the fiery rays of light the sun gives, yours is not a simple and small hope, but a violent hope. A hope that is strong, firm, and that cannot be broken. I pray that you would live in the beauty of this violent hope today.

xoxo,

Yazzy